I'm gunna be the first to make it right.

Saturday I worked my last night at Gavi. It was bittersweet. But things just haven't been the same since Craig and Diego left. Besides I have and adult job now that I need to focus more energy into. I've been talking myself in to quitting for a month and I think I'm still trying to convince myself that it was a good idea. I just have this sad little attachment to it. That job has seen so many hangovers a few tears and a lot of fun. I gave hugs and said goodbyes to all the people I worked with for two years, but never said a full sentence to in one language. The busser who would called me "fucking delicious" and ask me to go play pool with him at main street every Saturday. The kid who smokes meth and weighs out coke to sell though the back in the bathroom. The last big adult thing I had to do this year. Maybe?

Went to Justin's to see Finally Punk in Tempe Sunday night. The cops came and the show was relocated before we even got there. Everyone in Tempe looks really young, maybe everyone in Tucson is old, but in Tempe I had the feeling that half the kids there lied to their parents about it. Finally Punk played. I didn't talk to anyone I didn't already know besides Natalia's new friend Jose who offered us a place to crash. We split and drove to Jose's I don't really remember being there the next thing I knew I was driving to the last party to pick up Justin. Justin was only in my car for about five minutes before the puking started. Back at Jose's I don't remember much. Somehow ended up back at Justin's. Passed out freezing for about an hour then met up with the rest of my drunk Tucson caravan. We all fought about who was going to drive all the way back to Tucson at 5 am.

Tomorrow is new years eve. What the fuck right? 2008 was so adult for me. I got so much stuff done this year it's incredible. Stuff I was laying in my bed when I was sixteen dreaming about, but not thinking I'd ever really do it. Well here I am doing it. This year will probably be my last year in Tucson. I say "probably" because whenever I actually set the date it never happens. So I'm keeping my plans casual and in like ten months or so maybe fourteen when my contract with Toni and Guy is up, I'll pack my bags and drive to LA crash on Tim and Anthony's floor until I find a job and a home. It's either that or I get my tattoos removed and move to New York to become the worlds shortest runway model.

I'm not letting anything bother me this year. It's not worth it. I want my last memories of Tucson to be happy ones. I don't want Tucson to be tainted for me all my life that's what I've tried to make it. I'm not going to stay here, but my best friends are here and it is happy. If I survive tomorrow this is going to be a very positive year.

Strawberry Wine.

Christmas was a success, Gianni Bini boots and Chanel perfume from dad, and a copy of "The Road To Los Angeles" by Fante from my sixteen year old sister, along with a card that read, " Merry Christmas Dumb ass, Remember....PMA!" I about cried.

Then like every year we went to my dad's boss's Christmas party where everyone got boozed up and awkward. I dragged Maria with me and we spent half the night trying to figure out if the only guy close to our age was gay or not. I guess he's not. Later I picked up my old friend Anthony Anzalone who is in town for Christmas from his family's crazy Christmas party. He was wasted on his uncle's scotch, and his ant had just asked if he was gay. Harsh. Amongst other hilarious quotes I can't remember Anthony said: "I'm like god with downs syndrome, or Leonardo DiCaprio without a dick." He also asked everyone for a list of their fears on the back of their senior picture. Merry Christmas everyone.

I don't wanna leave you broken hearted, but you don't like rock n' roll.

I saw Milk Tuesday while my car was in the shop. I really enjoyed it. I haven't been able to say that about a movie recently. It was heroic and charming enough to make the lip of even the most fundy christian quiver.

How's Jehovah tonight? What does he think of quantum theory?

It is high time that "Brains out!" is revamped. From now on I will be posting regularly. "Brains out!" is a public collection of sober and unsober thoughts. Some that makes sense, others that don't. Some are good ideas that go bad or unfinished. This is mostly therapy. Stay tuned.